What Matters Most.

I am not very good at a consistent blogger mentality. Usually something happens that creates some deep profound or prophetic thought that I deem worthy of sharing but instead of transferring thought to paper, life carries on at rapid speed and hours turn in to days which turn in to months. This begs the question: Was it really meaningful to begin with?

Too often we tell ourselves that "If it's important I'll remember it" or "I don't remember so it must not have been that important."

But is that really the truth or is it some ploy that we have used to loosen our sense of responsibility? One less thing to remember is one less thing to worry about. But this is the wrong approach. Ignorance is not bliss.

Growing up and being an adult is not fun. It doesn't always feel freeing and happy. With freedom comes responsibility. More often than not "responsibility" is viewed as a restriction that we need to rebel against, yelling "YOLO" as we run off to the next pleasure stimulating event.

What are we missing out on? What matters the most?

If your main purpose in life is to only have fun and do things that make you feel good...then you are going to be bored. Feelings are real, they are neither right or wrong; they just are and they are also temporary.

Sometimes we let life become too routine and too ordinary. It's no surprise that we crave excitement and adventure but we go searching for it instead of realizing that just by changing how we live and our perspective, it would let us see that life itself is supposed to be the greatest adventure.

We settle for good and fail to fight for the best. We would rather let life happen and ride the waves instead of taking the initiative to make our dreams a reality.We make excuses for things that don't happen and the important meaningful things that do happen....are soon lost in the routine.

I think we need to recognize and truly see the beauty in the ups and downs. We don't always have to feel good or have no responsibilities in order to be happy. Honestly, happiness isn't the main purpose in life. Happiness is a result of pursuing something greater than ourselves.

When will my life begin...

Dedicated to all my wonderful people that I love doing life with...you know who you are!!!
 
We throw around terms like "new beginnings", "change", "growth", "adventure" like it's supposed to make fear and anxiety instantly go away. Yes new beginnings are fun and exciting...just not at first. I like the concept of change until it actually has to happen. I forget the scariness of it...and that to me it's one of the hardest things life has to offer even though it does eventually bring new opportunities that come with rewards and excitement. We just have to get over that initial speed bump. I've never been very good at goodbyes. In fact, I tend to avoid them and the heartache associated with it. However, I have come to realize that change is necessary.

Life is what we make it. 

It's about the the things we learn, 

the people we meet, 

and the memories we make along the way...

But the only way to make anything happen is to get out there and take the first step. 

Adventures are scary. 

             New places are lonely. 

                        Being away from family and friends is hard. 

I've been thinking a lot about what my dreams are and where I want them to take me. I had two choices: stay where I'm at (in Boise) where I'm happy, content...things really are great!!!...but I would always wonder "what if". Metaphorically speaking I don't want to be like Tangled's Repuzel, locked in a tower (say my brain full of stale dreams and thoughts) wondering "when my life is going to begin..." 

Life really is an adventure! It's easy to dream big but it's another thing to run after it. I've been so lucky to have true friends who believe in me, and encourage me on a consistent basis. Who tell me to not be scared, that it's going to be ok, etc... I know I have a support system back home and that makes me feel safe enough to leave, which is a first. I know things won't crumble, and I know I have a place to go back to where people love me for who I am. 

This gives me courage,

 confidence,

 independence,

 security

...and so much more. 

So here I am, in Moscow, Idaho about to attend classes at the University of Idaho. I admit it's not easy. The last few days have been hard: I've been homesick. But I know that good things lie ahead. I know there is a plan bigger than me and perfectly set out by the One who loves me more than I can imagine. I am excited for the things Moscow holds for me over the next few months, and I am excited for the trips back home for Spring Break and maybe a 3-day-weekend....if I'm lucky! 

I'm ready to experiment, I'm ready to learn, and I'm ready to be more outgoing!! This won't be the road I'm on forever. But I can't stand at the starting line anymore...it's time to race and drive through the obstacles at full speed and full of faith!!!

(and 8 is the number that symbolizes new beginnings so I really wanted to finish this post before midnight today on January 8th...success!)

.::Moments::.

So...it's been at least more then a year since I've written anything and a lot has happened during that time. And I miss writing so here it goes...I decided to bring my blog back to life haha.

So a theme for the past year or so has really been about moments...remembering what God's done but not clinging to that one moment to get through life!

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of moments lately. The moments that have altered our lives, shaped or redefined them in some way. You see moments, (both good and bad), can define our life. I'm soon starting to realize that if we live by moments alone then that defines a life that is fragmented, uncertain, broken, and chaotic. Thing's don't connect. It's not whole but rather sporadically placed across the span of life. If we aren't careful, our emotions and circumstances will cancel out and outweigh God's promises and truth! It erases what God did and thus we soon forget it. It's too easy to believe the lies that society tells us. Culture tells us what to look like, how to talk, act, what to say, etc... If we don't match up to their "standards" then we begin to expect failure. We believe these lies so readily!

We have an inability to process truth.

"Truth" is foreign considering a thought process that has long been adjusted to thinking lies. When a lie is finally recognized for what it is...a lie...it's easy to start not trusting what you think. When truth finally does get it, it's questioned. "Is this really true? or just another lie I'm thinking? Distinguishing truth and lies takes effort! It's confusing and I don't want to be confused."

Moments alone don't make sense!! Your relationship with Christ isn't just for a moment but for the rest of our lives! In a moment, I can make Christ my Lord, give up an addiction, tell God 'send me anywhere'! Moments happen at the alter, but when the song ends, it doesn't mean my decision does. I'm learning that each decision I make is a process that God will grow, clean, perfect for the rest of life. It's hard not to lose your follow through when you reach the door. "Youth group was fun and all but now back to my life..."
You see, Jesus needs to be life, intricately intertwined into ever part of it not just a few moments here and there which can be so easily counteracted by moments with family, school, and friends.

Take the analogy of rain, sprinkled raindrops could be considered moments...if it's just sprinkling there's no lasting effect...it'll quickly dry and the "moment" will soon be forgotten. Unless it's pouring down rain instead!

God doesn't just love us for a moment! Every second, every minute, every hour of every day: you are LOVED, you are CALLED, there's a plan, a purpose, a hope, love, joy and peace! But only if we go ALL IN!

Get drenched with the passion and adventure of Christ, not just testing the waters. Being half in and half out creates confusion and so many questions!
Whose side am I on?
Am I really saved?
Am I defined by this world...or?
Am I going to let whatever "moment" dictate my life?
When you're fully immersed in water do you realize that after long periods of time your skin will get wrinkled. The water on the outside is taking out the water on the inside. God is going to ask you to remove/clean out the old water and since you can't stay dehydrated, get "refreshed" all the time every day.

Moments can't define my life...God needs to!

It won't be perfect, it'll be hard. It's a process that takes effort on my part, and moments such as encounters with God and revelations do happen.
In order for that to happen, I need God's revelation to redefine my life...I have to know God. Gotta make Him the constant rainstorm! The more we spend time with God the more we get to know His character and by knowing His character, we start seeing who we are in Christ and how God sees us. It's a //Revelation Re:Defined//!!

Interepret...how?!?!

Check this out!!

So I'm stoked! It's so amazing when you ask God something and He answers...and yes obviously not in ways we expect.!!!!

All right, so Pastor Ken just finished up a series on the book of Daniel and living in a Babylonian culture which essentially means confusion, an anti-God city. He simply stated that we have been inserted into our culture to interpret the dreams and visions of others. God speaks to non-believers ALL THE TIME they just don't recognize it!

Now for me, the past week or so, I've wanted to know Jesus in a REAL way, hard to explain other then that I just need this doubt to be non-existant! "God I BELIEVE, but forgive my UNBELIEF" Seriously, I've been in some just really wierd funky fog of confusion and just plain CRAZINESS it seems like. So I begin praying and I get on the subject of prophecy. I see pastors prophesizing over kids, saying things they couldn't possible know unless it was from God, and well I was like "God I can't tell you what to do but a suggestion...prophecy would be really cool, it's never happened to me, and it would sure seem like you're REAL if that happened..."

I got my prophecy...just not how I expected, it wasn't through a pastor but through me...hmmm. Here's what happened: I had a prophetic dream, not just for myself but for our generation as well, I didn't realize this as prophetic until just recently. My dream was about the Armor of God in a video game setting. People (myself included) were walking around holding some sort of black veil type thing in front of their face, so obviously they couldn't see what was happening, where they were going, etc... it was called the Helmet of Salvation...odd right. The next focus of the dream came upon the Shield of Faith and the Sword of the Spirit...it was ineffective. The sword was too small to be able to do any damage, and whenever we went up to attack something, we would stumble and drop the sword. The armor was too HEAVY!

This is my take on it: the black helmet of salvation is the opposite of authentic Christianity. It's a mask, just going through the motions: church, small group, outreach, etc...but not TRUELY believing it...it's deceit, no one can see what's happening b/c they have bought into their own deceit and don't know anymore what is truth and what is a lie, just walking around blind!
The issue of the shield and sword is that too many Christians aren't prepared. Not gonna lie, we want the rosy perfect life right...but when it comes to obstacles and attacks we haven't learned how to handle it and so aren't sure what do...our feeble attempts fail (dropping the sword, can't lift the shield high, etc...) The armor is considered too heavy a burden and yes myself included has considered quitting and going back to the life before Christ...taking the easy way out. We are heavily run by emotions instead of fact. It's a mark of FAITH to still believe even when you don't FEEL like it!! But God's not too fond of the easy way out he's all about the character building stuff: the good news is that God doesn't want his people to quit, and give up, but he wants us to know he has the strength we need in our weakness and embrace it! Like a video game, there's always a second chance, a chance to start over...it's the same with God isn't it!
Embrace WEAKNESS for it produces STRENGTH which allows for VICTORY! Even though you "feel" like you're losing, believe the Word of God that there is indeed VICTORY, there is HOPE! You may have LOST this battle but Christ has already WON the war!!!

Stranger on the Train

All right…well it’s about time I get this posted.
People keep asking me “So how was Washington D.C.? Did you have fun, what did you do, what did you learn…etc…” Well…it was definitely unforgettable…mutant mosquito bites, prayer meeting consisting only of speaking in tongues (which I must admit, was a little weird to me, since I don’t speak in tongues), we saw the monuments, and the ZOO!! Decided to prayer walk the city at 10pm in the rain! Overall, I have to say that I experienced ALL the emotions known to mankind during that week: Joy, Anger, Sadness, Confusion, Excitement, Love etc… basically sums up life. ;) But I really only have one story that I really feel compelled to share…one that I will never forget! This story to me…explains why it is I have a strong love for people…I always had it in me…but I became aware of it and it was magnified when I met…
A Loved Stranger -He glances at me before returning his solemn gaze back to the floor. I had just sat down on the metro heading to City Church with my fellow interns, all of whom were involved in their own conversations at this particular moment. I on the other hand, was captivated by this young man across from me. I didn’t know him personally, but something was stirring in my spirit. At random moments, he would glance at me. I smiled though he did not return it. I would glance away so as to not let on too much that I was watching him. Something was just…off. The one time we made eye-contact, I can’t explain what happened to me…his eyes held a pained expression, he was full of confusion, hurt…I felt it. I also felt God’s love for him. I wanted to act! I wanted to do something! But what? I knew I needed to talk to him but I couldn’t seem to get up from my seat and walk the 2 feet forward to the empty seat beside him.

I began reasoning with myself…and God. I knew I wanted to talk to him, I also knew God wanted me to talk to him. “God…are you serious? Really? Why me? I don‘t know what to say…”God responded “You don’t have to say anything, just tell him what I tell you. He’s not alone.” O boy…I wondered if this was really happening, of if I was going insane. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. O this isn’t happening…but of course it was. “Ok God, if he is still sitting there after the next stop, I will go over and talk to him!” Well, this proceeded for the next 3 stops and I still didn’t talk to him.

“God, I’m not sure I can do this!!” I started thinking would it really matter if I didn’t talk to him? After all, I probably wouldn’t see him ever again. Well, maybe that’s the point, why am I afraid of making a fool of myself, or what he thinks of me if I’m not going to see him again! What if my talking to him…stops something from happening! I became worried. He looked…sad…like really sad. His eyes had obviously been crying…I felt the pain again…and I was convinced. God convinced me…I needed to act now! Unfortunately my stop was here…but I wasn’t getting off without doing something so I took out a piece of paper and wrote “God loves you!!” …my pen died! No! My friend Sarah handed me a sharpie. I finished my note with “Have a wonderfully awesome day!! Psalm 139! :)”

The train jerked to a stop. I walked over and handed him my note! He replied with a soft, almost inaudible thank you along with guess what…a SMILE!!! His composure of pain and sadness began to melt!

GOD IS GOOD!!!

The man on the train is my loved stranger. I love him because God loves him, I can’t explain what I felt…but I felt God’s love towards this man and it was contagious. I hope he is doing well. I pray for him when he crosses my mind…and I will never forget what he has allowed me to be open to…open to feeling the heart God has for his people…you and me and the strangers on the train!